memory is not just a function of a computer

As much as I want to focus on my career, helping others, and having an impact, I do not want to waste my youth.

While listening to (redacted playlist name), I looked at the image on the cover, a young couple running down a street, holding hands as they leap into the air, and I thought to myself: "sitting in front of my computer all day and night will not give me memories like that."

There has to be balance. This is obvious, but something I had forgotten.

I am still trying to dissect all the changes to my life I have made over the past few years: which ones were intrinsically motivated, and which were orchestrated to please others?

I love coding. I love working on stuff, especially if it's novel, engaging, and satiates my curiosity, but I also love having a laugh with my friends, and I crave having a partner who wants to go on adventures with me.

When Old Mate became a shut-in, so did I. I don't think he's to blame for my mimicry, and I don't even know if it was mimicry or if it was innate (given how drained and disconnected I felt in that relationship). All I know is that I am not fulfilled in that state of being.

I love making memories.

I crave connection and adventure. I will seek connection and adventure.