the fog

I never want to forget I am my own best friend. For such a long time, I was at war with myself. The poisonous fog made me think I was my own worst enemy. For a while, that was true, but now it's not.

It's funny how quickly that changed. It almost felt overnight.

I used to be trapped by my shame. The fog concealed my shame by dulling my conscious experience of it. Instead, my shame would manifest in unobvious ways: as anger, or sadness, or agitation, or embarrassment, or anxiety.

The unflinching harsh reality of my shame was buried by these emotions, and it wasn't until I recognised this, and started pushing deeper, that I could start to tackle my shame and let it go.

In this process of release, I grew kinder to and more protective of myself, and started to understand myself better. More importantly, I realised that through introspection, of the shame directly or the other emotions it was manifesting as, I could start to see myself in another light.

Shame made me victimise myself, but I now reject this with my entire being. I am not a victim, but rather, I have power. I have the power of perspective. I have the power of framing. I have the power of thinking in the grey areas. I have the power of "agency". I have the power of introspection.

I define who I am. I should not delegate this to my subconscious. I am not at the mercy of my subconscious. I have the power to influence my subconscious through conscious thought.

All we have is our experience. I must, at all costs, avoid losing this to the fog.